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"I know what you mean."Tamara smiled, relieved. Laura watched her walk away, feeling sad and still hungry for her, all these emotions and drives mingled together in a confusing welter.As if this were not enough to start her day onto a downward slide, just before lunch Randi also appeared in Laura's office. She was breathtakingly lovely in a red knit dress that showed off her spectacular figure. Randi loved red. Her underwear, Laura knew, was often red. She was a gorgeous show-off, and she tossed her head provocatively, knowing how much Laura desired her, swishing her long, bewitching braids around her beautiful neck and shoulders."Laura, you've been ignoring me again," Randi smiled, her eyes showing a sinister glint that Laura had seen only rarely before, especially during their catfight. "You too busy with that stuck-up Neegro from Decision Resources you been bopping from here to Tuesday. What do you see in her, anyway? She's short and ugly." Randi, please keep your voice. " I can't believe I just said that out loud. I don't even care.I turned away and hung my head."She looked at me and smiled before she pulled the trigger. She was so brave. Everyone read about it and said 'Oh, what a shame,' like she didn't want to live or something. Just another suicide. She grabbed life and squeezed an experience out of it that few people have. I saw it in her eyes during the last few seconds. I'll never forget."She was the first girl I had ever kissed. She'll never know that. I thought I was finally gonna get laid. I thought that's why she wanted to go out on the grass. It's all I cared about. It was all that mattered to me. That girl ... she's dead and I'm alive. I live my life with it and someday I'll be dragged down to hell by it."I could have stopped it. I thought maybe it was fake, that's the lie I told myself. I couldn't believe she'd do that. They said she killed herself. They said she was alone. I was there. I had to run. I had never seen anything like.
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